In 2011, I was on crumbling ground. I had spent my life caring for everyone, loving everyone and for 28 years had neglected to learn to love myself. I let the needs of those around me swallow me. I was in a very dark place. What does someone who has a fire inside her do when she feels her flame flickering smaller from oxygen deprivation? She fucking fights back. Step by step I pushed to become a person, to become Jacqie. In the last four years I’ve grown as a person, mom, photographer, teacher, friend, lover…
I was an amazing wall builder. You know what walls do? They hold things in. Dark, hurtful things stayed close to my heart, poisoning it. A large part of the fight is putting myself out there, convincing myself to live in the “now” instead of the “someday”. On January 2, 2011 I made a Life List. I updated it for a few months or so, but I’ve decided to revisit it and keep it going here.
Get up and live life. Get over yourself, your current situation, and anything you tell yourself that holds you back. Life is too short, and tomorrow may never come. I used to resist living outside of my comfort zone. Now, it’s the only place I want to be.
You can follow along on some of my adventures here. I’ve been skydiving, on top of a Volcano, battled depression and anxiety, danced in nightclubs, learned to sail, kayaked and rafted, climbed waterfalls, and watched so many beautiful sunsets and sunrises (though I’m normally mostly asleep for those). Life is short, much too short to let your insecurities stop you from living it.
The more I live life, the more I learn about myself and learn to love myself. The fuller my heart from self-love, the fuller the heart is for those I love. As my self-love grows I find that I’m kinder, softer, and more grateful. This time we have is temporary. Use every last drop and live.
I will most definitely be adding to this as I go. Check back for updates and watch Instagram for adventures. I’d also love to hear about your Life Lists and share in your adventures.
- Take the kids to Disney
- Stand on a volcano
- Sky diving
- Have a photograph published
- Take a photography course
- Make sushi Sushi is much better when you know what you’re doing…
- Have a spa day
- See a Sleeping Beauty ballet
- Go scuba diving (PADI certified!)
- Attend a NFL game
- Learn to play an instrument
- Ride in a hot air balloon
- Snowboard in the Rockies
- Go rock climbing
- Visit the Great Barrier Reef
- Go on a cruise (photography cruise, maybe?)
- Make pottery
- Visit Greece
- Go wine tasting
- Visit a vineyard in California
- Make annual photobooks for the boys
- Make capes & tutus to take to a children’s hospital
- Trust someone without reservation (THIS ONE IS HUGE!)
- Say “no” without feeling guilty (on-going!)
Start composting- Sleep in a castle
Ride a cab in NYC- Pay for my kids’ college expenses
- Go whale-watching
- Live in a beach house
- Try Sprinkles cupcakes (6/2011)
- Take part in a girls’ getaway (That was a fucking mess.)
- Teach my kids to read
- Take boudoir photos
- Ride a horse on the beach
- Swim with sharks
- Photograph a birth (!)
- Visit all 50 states (27 down)
Stand in green & black sand- Stay in an island bungalow over the water
Save a life <3- Find a perfume I love
- Grow & eat my own food
- Try 50 ethnic foods (Who knew I like Vietnamese?)
- Stomp grapes
- Make my own piece of furniture
- Take family photos once per year
Buy & use 10 new kitchen gadgets (if you don’t have a garlic press, you need one.)- Grow Lily of the Valley (fail)
- Have a mud brawl
- Ride the World’s tallest roller coaster
- Ice skate in NYC
- Go on a romantic getaway
- Ask someone for help without feeling guilty (Done & done)
- Take an adult ballet class
- Photograph an African Safari
- Pay it forward to 3 people
- Photograph a sunrise
- Photograph the Aurora Borealis
- Spend a weekend with just my siblings
- Create a space in the house just for me
- Build a tree house
- Find a great homemade muffin recipe (HERE! Turn it into muffins)
- Expand the photography business (On-going)
- Ride in a sailboat (SO COOL!)
- Help a mom learn to breastfeed
- Finish the mural in my son’s room
- Visit Redcastle in Scotland with the boys
- Lose 10 different board games to my kids without letting them win
- Take a yoga class
- Write a book
- Have dinner on a rooftop
- Learn 100 new words
- Learn to let someone take control of a chaotic situation (Not great at this.)
- Donate to locks of love
- Figure out how to use a telescope
Take a trip by myself- Unplug for one week (no internet, cell phone or TV)
- Photograph a destination wedding
- Buy something I never thought I would
- Take courses relating to marine biology
Learn to hula in Hawaii- Buy a little black dress
- Catch & eat lobster in Maine
- Go on a group vacation and leave the kids with grandma
- Visit Harry Potter Wizarding World
Swim with ManateesGo dancing in a city- Singing lessons
- Buy a little farm
- Own a horse
- Hear “I love you” without wondering or asking “why”
- Visit Iceland