In 2011, I was on crumbling ground. I had spent my life caring for everyone, loving everyone and for 28 years had neglected to learn to love myself. I let the needs of those around me swallow me. I was in a very dark place. What does someone who has a fire inside her do when she feels her flame flickering smaller from oxygen deprivation? She fucking fights back. Step by step I pushed to become a person, to become Jacqie. In the last four years I’ve grown as a person, mom, photographer, teacher, friend, lover…

I was an amazing wall builder. You know what walls do? They hold things in. Dark, hurtful things stayed close to my heart, poisoning it. A large part of the fight is putting myself out there, convincing myself to live in the “now” instead of the “someday”. On January 2, 2011 I made a Life List. I updated it for a few months or so, but I’ve decided to revisit it and keep it going here.

Get up and live life. Get over yourself, your current situation, and anything you tell yourself that holds you back. Life is too short, and tomorrow may never come. I used to resist living outside of my comfort zone. Now, it’s the only place I want to be.

You can follow along on some of my adventures here. I’ve been skydiving, on top of a Volcano, battled depression and anxiety, danced in nightclubs, learned to sail, kayaked and rafted, climbed waterfalls, and watched so many beautiful sunsets and sunrises (though I’m normally mostly asleep for those). Life is short, much too short to let your insecurities stop you from living it.

The more I live life, the more I learn about myself and learn to love myself. The fuller my heart from self-love, the fuller the heart is for those I love. As my self-love grows I find that I’m kinder, softer, and more grateful. This time we have is temporary. Use every last drop and live.

I will most definitely be adding to this as I go. Check back for updates and watch Instagram for adventures. I’d also love to hear about your Life Lists and share in your adventures.

1. Take the kids to Disney
2. Stand on a volcano 
3. Sky diving 
4. Have a photograph published 
5. Take a photography course
6. Make sushi Sushi is much better when you know what you’re doing…
7. Have a spa day
8. See a Sleeping Beauty ballet
9. Go scuba diving (PADI certified!)
10. Attend a NFL game
11. Learn to play an instrument
12. Ride in a hot air balloon
13. Snowboard in the Rockies
14. Go rock climbing
15. Visit the Great Barrier Reef
16. Go on a cruise (photography cruise, maybe?)
17. Make pottery
18. Visit Greece
19. Go wine tasting
20. Visit a vineyard in California
21. Make annual photobooks for the boys
22. Make capes & tutus to take to a children’s hospital
23. Trust someone without reservation (THIS ONE IS HUGE!)
24. Say “no” without feeling guilty (on-going!)
25. Start composting
26. Sleep in a castle
27. Ride a cab in NYC
28. Pay for my kids’ college expenses
29. Go whale-watching
30. Live in a beach house
31. Try Sprinkles cupcakes (6/2011)
32. Take part in a girls’ getaway (That was a fucking mess.)
33. Teach my kids to read
34. Take boudoir photos
35. Ride a horse on the beach
36. Swim with sharks
37. Photograph a birth (!)
38. Visit all 50 states (27 down)
39. Stand in green & black sand
40. Stay in an island bungalow over the water
41. Save a life <3
42. Find a perfume I love
43. Grow & eat my own food
44. Try 50 ethnic foods (Who knew I like Vietnamese?)
45. Stomp grapes
46. Make my own piece of furniture
47. Take family photos once per year
48. Buy & use 10 new kitchen gadgets (if you don’t have a garlic press, you need one.)
49. Grow Lily of the Valley (fail)
50. Have a mud brawl
51. Ride the World’s tallest roller coaster
52. Ice skate in NYC
53. Go on a romantic getaway
54. Ask someone for help without feeling guilty (Done & done)
55. Take an adult ballet class
56. Photograph an African Safari
57. Pay it forward to 3 people
58. Photograph a sunrise
59. Photograph the Aurora Borealis
60. Spend a weekend with just my siblings
61. Create a space in the house just for me
62. Build a tree house
63. Find a great homemade muffin recipe (HERE! Turn it into muffins)
64. Expand the photography business (On-going)
65. Ride in a sailboat (SO COOL!)
66. Help a mom learn to breastfeed
67. Finish the mural in my son’s room
68. Visit Redcastle in Scotland with the boys
69. Lose 10 different board games to my kids without letting them win
70. Take a yoga class
71. Write a book
72. Have dinner on a rooftop
73. Learn 100 new words
74. Learn to let someone take control of a chaotic situation (Not great at this.)
75. Donate to locks of love
76. Figure out how to use a telescope
77. Take a trip by myself
78. Unplug for one week (no internet, cell phone or TV)
79. Photograph a destination wedding
80. Buy something I never thought I would
81. Take courses relating to marine biology
82. Learn to hula in Hawaii
83. Buy a little black dress
84. Catch & eat lobster in Maine
85. Go on a group vacation and leave the kids with grandma
86. Visit Harry Potter Wizarding World
87. Swim with Manatees
88. Go dancing in a city
89. Singing lessons
90. Buy a little farm
91. Own a horse
92. Hear “I love you” without wondering or asking “why”
93. Visit Iceland